I have decided to title my adoption book 'Choices That Change You' to match my website and blog. As I have been writing it, I have been thinking about the choices we make and what truly changes us in the direction we WANT our life to go.
During my pregnancy and the adoption process I was on a spiritual high. In fact, I think God was literally carrying me during that time in my life. I felt so hopeful about my future. I knew what it felt like to be on the wrong path and I was so determined to choose differently. I was excited to get back to life and make good choices... find my true love... find new friends... get an college education... and do whatever else.
When I went to college I was excited to shed my old reputation and start over. Unfortunately, this wasn't the way it happened. I felt completely lost... I didn't want to fit in with the old crowd... I didn't fit in with the 'goody-goody' kids... I didn't care about the small and trivial things most 18 year olds worry about because I was dealing with something much greater. I didn't feel like anyone could understand me. I found myself drawn to people like me... people who had experienced pain in life but had a desire to do better. Needless to say, most of those people brought me further down and farther away from my goals and dreams.
At this time, I met my husband. He had also placed a child for adoption less than a year before and I felt completely connected to him. We married a short 4 months after meeting. I thought getting married and out of the single, dating, horrible college life was the answer to me living a better life.
For the next 8 years I found myself still struggling with meeting my goals. I went inactive in my church for a few years, I struggled with self worth and depression, and my marriage had some ups and downs. He also struggled with some of the same issues and it eventually ruined the marriage. Two unhappy people do not equal happiness.
After that point, life reached an all-time low. One time as I sat reflecting on the life I wanted to live I wrote a list of things that I wanted to improve in life. The list included things like:
- Pray every day
- Daily Scripture study
- Stop swearing
- Go to Church
- Talk nice to myself
- Pay Tithing
... and the list goes on
I then put the list in my journal and forgot about it for a few years. Then about 3 years ago I found the paper and opened it up. I was SHOCKED to see that I was now easily doing almost everything on the list.
It wasn't one BIG decision to change me into a better person that worked... it was the little choices that I made minute by minute, day by day, month by month, that eventually added up to the GREAT change in my life.
This is why I have decided to name my book 'Choices That Change You'. So often I see birthmothers feel lost after they are trying to get back into life. They have felt the spirit so strong... they have made huge wonderful goals... but then reality kicks in and they don't know how to achieve the life they want. My book will focus on life after placement and the healing journey to happiness.
Choice. That's what life is about. We always have a choice in life - no matter the circumstance (even if we are only left with a choice to forgive). All choices have consequences. Some good - some not. And what we learn from these consequences creates who we are. Return to www.choicesthatchangeyou.com